(Squidward snoring)
(sighs)
l love waking up to my own circadian rhythm
without the aid of a alarm clock.
(sighs) (gasps)
Morning, Squidward.
I waited for you to stop sleeping like you asked.
So you got any plans for the day, Squidward?
Okay, Squidward, I'll catch you later.
(humming)
(gasps)
Hi, Squidward. Want to play?
No, and leave me alone.
Okay, Squidward, see you later.
Ah, the blank canvas.
Infinite possibilities.
All the colors of the known and unknown universe
hiding on my palate.
The artist approaches, ready to create.
Hey, Squidward, want to play?
Okay, Squidward, see you later.
(sighs)
Perhaps I can find solitude in the printed word.
Hey, Squidward, want to play?
(muffled): Okay, Squidward, see you later.
(door slams)
(scatting)
Wha...?
(screaming)
Hi, Squidward, want to play hide-and-seek?
Okay, SpongeBob, you hide first.
Oh, no, where'd he go?
I guess he wins.
(laughing)
Defeat has never tasted so sweet.
(phone rings)
Yello?
How about a game of hangman?
How about a game of hang-up?
(sighs)
I guess this brings an end to my luxuriating.
How about Duck, Duck, Hermit Crab?
Hopscotch? Squidward Says? Steal the Bacon?
Sleeping Sea Lions? Sharks and Minnows?
Sink the Submarine?
Kings and Queens? Mahjongg?
Whoa! I've never played this game before.
What's it called?
lt's called, "I will never play with you...
ever!"
(metallic creaking)
Hmm, something tells me
that Squidward doesn't want to play today.
That's it.
lf I can't play with the real Squidward,
I'll just make one of my own.
(pained groaning)
I think that moron finally gets it.
I don't want to see or hear him for the...
(pneumatic tools whirring and grinding)
SpongeBob, will you make that racket stop!
SpongeBob, you open this door right this...
(whirring and grinding stop)
(groaning)
(mimics Squidward): Hello, Squidward.
(screaming hysterically)
(shivering, teeth rattling)
Squidward, it's me, Mini Squidward.
What are you doing, SpongeBob?
Hello, Squidward.
What manner of annoying scheme is this?
Just say hello to him, Squidward.
You know how sensitive he is.
Hi.
Now, SpongeBob, what the...
Uh, Squidward,
he prefers to be addressed by his full name.
(sighing)
Hello, Squidward.
Wondrous weather we're having,
eh, Squidward, ol' pal?
SpongeBob, what is the meaning of this?
SpongeBob made a replacement you... me.
So that when you-you don't want to play,
SpongeBob can play with me-you.
So you'll be filling in for me
when SpongeBob wants to play one of his stupid games?
Yeah.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
(kissing noises)
(laughing hysterically)
Woo-hoo-hoo!
(laughing hysterically)
Three words.
Movie title.
(gasps)
12 Angry Jellyfish.
How does he do it?
Right again, Squiddy.
You little charades master, you.
Squidward, you look a little different.
Wow.
Have you been working out?
Actually, Patrick, this is...
Hold it, SpongeBob.
Ooh, I know.
You shaved your beard.
All right, now, who has the Krabby Patty
and who has the Krabby Patty?
See... 'cause... they're both...
Krabby.
(door opens, SpongeBob laughs)
Good one, Mini Squidward.
You are always such a ray of sunshine.
Are you ready for another fabulous day of work
at The Krusty Krab?
(as Squidward): Of course I am.
I love to work.
Who is that little fella with SpongeBob?
l don't know, but isn't he handsome?
Yeah, he is handsome.
(mumbling)
(clearing throat)
Oh, sorry, sir.
Can I take your order?
No. I don't like your attitude, bub.
Is this what The Krusty Krab calls friendly service?
Sorry, sir, can I take your order?
Now that's more like it.
Finally, a server with a good attitude.
Well, thank you very much.
I'll take eight dozen of your finest patties, please.
But don't let old chowder pants over there touch them.
He might taint the patties.
Fine then. Go ahead, do my work for me.
I'm starting to like this Mini Squidward...
doing my work, keeping SpongeBob off my back.
I could get used to this.
Order up, Mini Squid.
Okay, SpongeBob.
Always happy to help. (laughing)
Here you go, pal.
Go get 'em, tiger.
Okay, now who had the Krabby Patty
and who had the Krabby Patty?
(laughing)
What the...? That's my joke!
Wow, honey, this new Mini Squidward is such a card.
And a great waiter, dear.
Oh, you're right.
So much better than that old, lousy, larger-scale Squidward.
(angry mumbling)
Yeah! Bring that little fella
over here and let me give him a $300 tip!
What?!
All right, all right.
That's enough.
My break is finished.
Oh, boy, back to work. (door opens and closes)
Hold on a second there.
Oh, Mr. Krabs.
Uh, Squidward, me cephalopod,
I'm sorry to tell you this...
well, not that sorry...
the customers prefer the new, smaller Squidward to you.
And so do I, 'cause he's making me some bucks.
I'm changing your job to busboy,
effective immediately.
Now pipe down and watch how it's done.
Hey, everybody, I'm Squidward,
and I love to dance.
I, for one, love to watch people dance while I eat.
Who's with me?
Who wants Mini Squidward to dance for our amusement?
(applause and cheering)
Well, gosh, okay.
(dramatic music plays)
What's the big deal?
Those are all my moves!
Ta-dah!
(gasps): Talk about no talent.
Maybe Squidward
should get size-reduction surgery
so he'll dance better.
(laughter)
That mini squid.
(music continues)
(playing along to music)
(cheering)
Everybody dance!
(cheering)
(song ends)
That was awful!
(cheering)
He stole my jokes.
He stole my job.
He stole my standing ovation!
You little wooden fiend.
Stop stealing my life!
(screams)
(grunting)
(growling)
Stop, stop!
Don't gnaw on the head of my new client, please.
You don't know what you're doing.
Are you mad?
Have mercy!
Wait a minute. I've seen you before.
You're that music agent
that represents my favorite clarinet player.
Salutations.
I'm Milo J. Finkerfish,
talent manager for Curly Bubbles Records.
You mean you're here to sign me for a record deal?
The answer to that question is a big N-O.
This little fella, on the other hand, is woo-hoo, woo-hoo good.
We're offering him a million-dollar contract,
and a sequined suit.
(gasps): A sequined suit?
That's what you're supposed to offer me!
Why take a cheap knockoff,
when you can have the original?
(playing lively tune)
Now, where do I sign?
(laughing): Yeah! Yeah, right, kid.
Well, old Mini Squidward, l guess this is it.
We've had some good times, playing charades
and dancing around like two giddy butterflies.
(laughing): Remember?
Yeah, those were the days.
(sighs)
But I guess it's time for you to move on, huh?
On to greener pastures.
Arrivederci, mon frere.
All right, kid, let's go become a sensation.
And we'll see you at the Clammy Awards.
Oh, no, I guess I won't.
(laughing)
(coughing)
(sobbing)
Bye-bye.
What's the matter, actual-size Squidward?
My dreams are crushed.
But, hey, at least I won't have to see
that mini squid ever again.
Yeah, I have something even better.
Another me!
(laughing)